Don’t Survive. Thrive: A Self-Care Guide for Extraordinary Times
Dear 2020,
Where did we go wrong?
You had so much potential. You were supposed to mark the beginning of a new decade, a fresh start for humanity after years of disappointment.
We’re half-way through you and you’ve already besieged us with a once-in-a-century pandemic, an economy that tells the 2009 Great Recession to hold its beer, and a long overdue reckoning over anti-Black racism.
We’re half-way through you, meaning you probably have more surprises in store, which leaves us to beg the question…
How can we survive you with our mental and physical health intact?
The answer is self-care.
What is self-care?
Self-care is an umbrella term for any activity you perform to take care of your mental, physical, or emotional health. Unlike activities we perform intuitively, such as eating or sleeping, self-care is conscious and deliberate.
What isn’t self-care?
True self-care gives. It never takes away.
This is especially applicable to shopping – while it’s okay to occasionally indulge in retail therapy, true self-care doesn’t involve taking on debt and material comforts should never come before keeping food on your table.
The same can be said of substance use – while an artisan edible or glass of wine are relaxing, remember that drugs and alcohol can cause psychological or physiological dependency with habitual use.
Why is self-care important?
All humans need self-care. And all humans can perform self-care.
In addition to improving your emotional health, effective self-care makes your body strong and your mind more resilient. It also improves the relationship with yourself and with others, leading to increased happiness, higher self-esteem, and spiritual fulfillment.
How can I practice self-care?
Establish Boundaries
“That’s hot.” - Paris Hilton (about boundaries, probably). Photo by Barbara Zandoval on Unsplash
You know what’s sexy? Personal boundaries.
Boundaries are invisible lines, borders that separate you – your feelings, needs, obligations, and the space you occupy – from other people. Boundaries also dictate social codes, or whether or not someone’s behavior is acceptable to you.
Boundaries sound hardcore, but don’t worry. They’re a normal part of being a healthy human being and a key ingredient in effective self-care. In addition to protecting you from toxic people and influences, maintaining and upholding healthy boundaries improves your happiness, sense of self, and self-esteem.
There are several types of boundaries:
Physical. The space you occupy, such as your home, your personal space, and your right to live in peaceful surroundings.
Material. The things you own and whether or not you loan them out, such as your clothing, furniture, or money.
Mental. Your thoughts, values, and opinions. Do you stand firm in your beliefs and values? Are you easily suggestable? Can you listen to differing opinions without becoming defensive or argumentative?
Emotional. Your feelings and your ownership of them. Healthy emotional boundaries hold you accountable for your own behaviors and prevent you from enmeshing yourself in others’ problems.
Sexual. Your right to decide how you share your body, when you do so, where you do so, and with whom.
Spiritual. Your right to experience and nurture a relationship with the divine.
Boundaries are a universal human right, however, sometimes our upbringing or adult experiences teach us to feel guilty about having them. If this resonates with you, you might not know how to implement boundaries or even where to begin. Some guilt-busting beginners’ tips include:
Setting timers and limits around when you consume the news or social media
Creating a monthly budget for non-essential shopping items, saving for it, and sticking to it
Practice saying “no” in low pressure social settings, such as to free samples at the grocery store
Establishing household rules, such as taking your shoes off upon entry
2. Meet your physical needs
Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash
Your mind and body are connected; if one part falls into disrepair, the other is guaranteed to follow.
True self-care involves attending to and meeting your body’s many needs.
Your body needs enough nourishing food and water, so it can keep you alive and fight illnesses. It needs adequate rest so it can repair itself. It also needs to move, because movement generates natural feel-good chemicals like endorphins and dopamine, chemicals that help fight depression, soothe anxiety, and quash those restless feelings you get after quarantining for months on end.
A self-care game plan for your body includes:
Drinking enough water every day (at least 3.7 liters for men, at least 2.7 liters for women)
Eating at least 3 nourishing meals per day
Getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night
Biannual dentist visits and yearly physicals at the doctor
Performing hygiene rituals every day
Consistently taking medications, vitamins, or supplements, if directed to do so by your doctor, dentist, or psychiatrist
Adequate physical exercise (frequency, activity, and length of time vary from person to person)
3. Release what doesn’t serve you
Photo by dadalan real on Unsplash
It’s painful, but sometimes self-care means saying “no”. To thoughts, relationships, or influences that take away from you.
For relationships, self-care might mean unfollowing a colleague on social media or distancing yourself from dysfunctional family members. For influences, self-care might mean limiting exposure to media that triggers you. And for you, self-care might mean using grounding techniques to silence your harsh inner critic or limiting self-beliefs.
4. Keep a gratitude journal
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
During a past therapy session, I lamented how the pandemic threw a wrench in all my plans. My goal to move away from Houston was postponed indefinitely. A long-anticipated dance festival was cancelled. And to top it off, I’m an aspiring travel blogger during a time when no one’s going anywhere…
In light of so many let-downs, my therapist recommended that I incorporate gratitude journaling into my self-care regimen.
Gratitude journaling is simple but effective. As the practice of recording gratitudes, gratitude journaling is packed with health benefits, including improved sleep, immune functions, and happiness. Best of all, everyone can keep a gratitude journal.
Once a week, find a quiet place and record 5 things you feel grateful for in a notebook. Some tips to help you get started include:
Go deep. Use detailed reasons for why you feel grateful.
Experiences over things. Express gratitude for relationships and experiences instead of material objects.
Journal once per week. At the end of each week, reflect on what you experienced and write about it.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When journaling, imagine what it’d feel like to live without something or someone in your life.
Surprise! Did you encounter any pleasant surprises during your week? Write about them.
5. Focus on what you can control
Personal routines are self-care, especially when our external environment is chaotic.
Why? Because routine allows you to establish a locus of control, stability that makes you more resilient and prevents you from falling into the clutches of maladaptive coping mechanisms like eating disorders or self-harm.
To get started, try creating rituals around daily activities you already perform:
Bedtime rituals. 1 hour before bedtime, unplug from any electronic devices and curl up with a good book.
Meal rituals. At dinnertime, pretend you’re at a restaurant by setting the table and lighting some candles.
Beauty rituals. Sing along to music while you do your skincare and makeup. Wear lipstick and perfume, even if you’ve got nowhere to go.
Hygiene rituals. Treat yourself to a DIY spa day on the weekends. Give yourself a luxuriant bath and a manicure.
6. Talk to someone
Quarantine doesn’t mean being alone. We’re adrift in some seriously traumatic waters right now, and there’s zero shame in realizing you need help.
Seeking therapy is self-care. It allows you to speak openly, without judgement, to a mental health professional who’s invested in helping you process your feelings and manage your symptoms. Therapy also allows you to receive appropriate treatment, including medication and tools not covered in this article.
Some signs you need to talk to someone are:
You Matter
If you're having thoughts about harming yourself or others, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at: 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7, toll-free)
Changes in mood. Do you feel hopeless, anxious, or irritable? Do your favorite hobbies no longer give you joy? Have you withdrawn from friends and family?
Signs of traumatization. Hypervigilance, hyperarousal (jumpiness), dissociation (feeling numb), night terrors, or trouble sleeping.
Disordered eating. Are you eating more or less than you usually do? Are you experiencing obsessive thoughts around food?
Self-medication. Have your drinking habits changed? Have you taken up smoking or illicit drugs?
Compulsive behaviors. Including frequent impulse purchases and excessive worries about cleanliness.