Empowered Vulnerability: The Solo Female Traveler’s Guide to Safety
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash
Travel is many things.
Empowering. Enlightening. Enrapturing.
Travel is also not without risk.
Because choosing to travel means choosing to be vulnerable. And vulnerability attracts those who wish to exploit it.
There are, however, ways you can protect yourself and respond to predatory people before they harm you.
Ways this article is here to illustrate.
Understanding Predators
Predators are people who seek to harm, exploit, or acquire resources (such as money, sex, and influence) from others, usually through abusive or manipulative means.
They fall across all demographic lines and can be found anywhere, even in unlikely places, such as philanthropy organizations and religious communities. They are usually disrespectful of personal boundaries and often have charming personalities.
Within the US, 6 out of 10 female sexual assault survivors report knowing their attacker, meaning predators are likely to form a relationship – platonic, professional, or romantic – with their victim before harming them.
Why do predators harm others?
Abuse is never your fault. Predators, due to nature, nurture, or a combination of both, engage in antisocial behavior for three core reasons:
Attachment needs. All humans need secure attachment; due to childhood conditioning, predators have learned to meet their attachment needs through abusing others.
Inverted social reward. While a healthy brain releases feel-good chemicals when its owner is collaborative and kind to others, a predatory brain releases feel-good chemicals when its owner causes pain in others.
Power. At some point in their lives (usually during childhood), predators were made to feel powerless; abuse makes them feel powerful.
Who do predators target?
Creeps approach anyone and everyone, regardless of age, race, gender, or attractiveness. As intuitive creatures, exploitative people look for one thing, and one thing only, in their victims.
Vulnerability.
Solo ladies, understand that you are vulnerable when you travel. You’re alone in an unfamiliar place, isolated from your support network and possibly disoriented due to jetlag. Add in communication and cultural barriers and you’ve got a recipe for vulnerability that’s like a magnet for exploitative people.
How can I protect myself from predators?
1. Be Proactive
Maps are the empowered solo traveler’s best friend. Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash
Travel is more accessible to more people than any other time in human history, however, understand that who you are impacts how you can move through the world.
For solo female travelers, this means that certain spaces and behaviors are closed off to us.
As a fellow solo traveler, and a Black woman who has faced more than my fair share of unwanted attention thanks to the body I occupy, I don’t like this reality any more than you do. But until the world decides to clean up its act, you must be proactive about your safety when you travel:
Stay near the city center and near tourist areas. When booking accommodation, stay in areas that are easily accessible by bus, train, and foot. Tourist areas are more likely to have resources for foreign visitors, including English-speaking guides and security.
Travel during the day whenever possible. Unfamiliar settings feel more intimidating and disorienting at night.
Have a game plan. Always know where you’re going and how to get there. Study maps, directions, and routes ahead of time.
Be wary of groups of idle teenage boys and young men, especially after sporting events. My scariest encounters on the road always involved this demographic. Cross the street when necessary.
Don’t make friends on the street. Be wary of strangers who approach you on the street, especially if they are overly friendly – chances are they want something from you.
Be aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to shifting dynamics in populated areas.
Exercise caution when visiting bars and clubs by yourself. Abstain from drugs and avoid becoming intoxicated. Never accept drinks or illicit substances from strangers. Know when it’s time to head back to your accommodation.
Register with your embassy/consulate prior to travel. US nationals are eligible to register for STEP, a free service that provides travel advisories and emergency alerts to travelers.
Make two copies of your passport’s ID page. Give one to someone you trust at home. Keep the other on your person. It will come in handy if your passport gets stolen.
2. Dress the Part
Dressing like a local can help you avoid being targeted by pickpockets. Photo by Paul Matheson on Unsplash
Dressing like a local is more than just a cliché travel recommendation; the wrong outfit in the right place can put an invisible mark on your back for theft, exploitation, or worse.
Preempt unwanted attention abroad by blending in with your surroundings:
Dress conservatively. Keep your shoulders and legs covered. Avoid tight clothing. If travelling within a Muslim country, adhere to local clothing laws, even if you disagree with them.
Save the flexing for Instagram. Leave fine jewelry at home. If you can’t afford to lose it, don’t bring it with you.
Don’t look like a tourist. When in Rome – or Paris, or Moscow, or Tbilisi – do as Romans do. Dress like a local, even if it feels inauthentic. Keep cameras, maps, and cellphones stowed away in your bag and avoid retrieving them on the street.
3. Watch Your (Body) Language
This woman’s body language projects confidence. Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
Yes, you can look like a victim.
To use myself as a case study, I looked like a victim while traveling in Georgia and Turkey, and it wasn’t because of my clothing. As an inexperienced traveler, I felt anxious and lacked confidence, and it showed in my body language. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but my tense shoulders, crossed arms, and downcast gaze projected vulnerability. Vulnerability that attracted those who wished to exploit it.
Don’t be like me.
Project confidence, not vulnerability:
Walk with purpose. A purposeful walk, complete with upright posture, communicates that you’re aware of your surroundings.
Relax your shoulders. At best, tense shoulders communicate that you feel uncomfortable. At worst, tense shoulders communicate that you’ve been victimized before. Either way, keep your shoulders level, relaxed, and away from your ears.
The eyes have it. Downcast eyes communicate submissiveness. While walking, project confidence by keeping your eyes locked on the horizon. If interacting with others, project dominance by maintaining sustained, direct eye contact.
No smiling. Eastern European women are masters of the resting bitch face, and for good reason. Predators interpret smiles as an invitation, as a green light to continue their bullshit. Stop ‘em dead with a scowl.
4. Trust Your Intuition
Cats use their intuition. You can too. Photo by Manja Vitolic on Unsplash
Ever wandered into a room and, without knowing why, felt like something was “off”?
That’s your intuition.
As the ability to instinctively acquire knowledge and understanding, your intuition is housed in your brain’s emotional processing organs. It helps you detect subtleties in your environment, subtleties that go unseen by your brain’s logical reasoning center.
To use another personal example, every traumatic incident I experienced while traveling in Georgia and Turkey was preceded by an intuitive warning sign. Sometimes I knew a person or situation was bad news, long before the person or situation harmed me.
Trusting your intuition can save your life. Some intuitive warning signs include:
Bodily sensations. Dangerous people and places emit invisible warning signs, warning signs your intuition detects. Pay attention to stomach distress, racing heartbeat, tight shoulders, and sweaty palms, especially if they have no underlying cause and if they occur whenever you’re around a person or place.
Changes in your mood. Do you feel anxious or on edge while talking to someone? Do you feel drained and depressed afterwards?
Changes in your behavior. Dangerous people and situations can make you act in uncharacteristic ways. If someone or something draws out unusual behavior in you, take it as a warning sign.
You just know. If a person or place feels “wrong”, but you have no evidence to support it, don’t question it. There’s probably a reason. And you don’t want to find out why.
Need help connecting with your intuition? Check out my intuition-building guides on the following:
5. Respond
Predators lose interest when you “grey rock”, or when you don’t react to their behavior. Photo by John Salzarulo on Unsplash
Thanks to the law of averages, it’s inevitable that you’ll encounter a particularly bold creep during your travels (if you haven’t already). The kind that doesn’t relent, no matter how many times you say “no”.
You can’t control how others treat you, but you can control how you respond:
Grey rock. Predators are encouraged by your reactions, positive or negative. Make them lose interest in you by acting like a “grey rock”, by becoming uninteresting and unresponsive. Give neutral replies in conversation and provide blank facial expressions, no matter how much the person scares you. Never engage street harassers!
Name and shame. This one works best in crowded areas and shame-based societies, such as countries associated with Arabic culture, Eastern religions, and collectivism. Shame your assailant by screaming “pervert”, “I don’t want this”, or “thief” in your host country’s language. Doing so will attract bystander attention and scorn, scorn that will make the offender back off.
Ask for help. If you are being followed, immediately head to the nearest populated area, such as a supermarket, hotel lobby, or tourist attraction. Upon arrival, discreetly ask a security guard, staff member, or other authority figure for assistance.
Give them what they want. If an armed person demands something from you, give it to them. The same goes for anyone with authority over you, such as corrupt police officers or crazy AirBnb hosts. Don’t resist and try to stay calm, even if it means forfeiting your passport and money.